Copyright 2006 George Siegal
At the airport some airlines let you check two bags, some three, and either one or two carry on items. And there's always a weight penalty.
In relationships there aren't as many check-in rules, you pretty much bring your bags with you and make up the rules as you go along. I define baggage as things you have going in your life such as kids, ex-spouses, job problems, a criminal record. The question is how much of that do you bring with you to the new relationship, and what should you leave behind? People who dated me probably thought I was carrying way to many bags, and when I met someone who went on and on about their ex and how they've been screwed over by the world it made me want to RUN.
I'm not suggesting keeping completely silent about your past, just be careful what you bring up early in the game. For example, if you have kids, this is something that makes for a big surprise if you say nothing and it comes up later.
I have several friends that met people on-line and on the date found out the person was married or in a relationship. They would use the excuse "It's over, I just haven't moved out yet." When this happens I suggest you "RUN". Call me when it's over. My experience is when someone doesn't have closure in their current situation all you are doing is helping them make the transition. Let em find help somewhere else, and once they've achieved closure tell them to give you a call. Chances are if they are lying to the one they are with, they will lie to you to. A part time thief is still a thief, and a liar is a liar, period.
However, if there are things in your life you are frustrated or angry about, you don't have to give that away right off the top. Your ex may be a real tool, but it doesn't sound good when you are bashing them all evening. If you hate your boss, or your neighbor, keep it to yourself.
Rather than get a weight penalty for two much baggage I think it's a great idea to have a neutral person to talk to, either a counselor or psychologist, a third party to unload all that baggage. You're paying them; so let them unburden you and your problems. Then when you are out meeting people you've left all those bags at home.
Naturally as you are getting to know someone your past will come up. But if you've gotten you head clear to the point of dealing with your baggage it can only help the new relationship. |
